Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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