My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
