I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
