She went from zero to smokin in five shots
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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