I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
