i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
