you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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