I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
