Slut skills are useful in every country.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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