I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
