I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
