Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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