dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
