Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
