I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she peed on how many people?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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