Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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