he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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