Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
