Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃ðŸ»ðŸŽ‰
We are so blessed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
