She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize