Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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