i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
