you win again, gameday.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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