I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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