thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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