We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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