i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
