my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
