if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
