Got a toothbrush?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
