I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
