I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You made out with two different species that night
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
