So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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