Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
