After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
