if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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