I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
