I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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