theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
