I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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