I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
