I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
