dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
