Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
