btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
