Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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