he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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