Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
