You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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