Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
