I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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