D3 body, D1 cock
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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